The first (tentative) farewell

It has been almost exactly a year since I started with Kicking Sport, and I feel that now is the right time to give the game up.

I’m not ruling out a return to action in the future, but for the time being I am ready to hang my satirical boots up, if only to focus my dubious talents on other things.

My thanks go to everyone who has read this blog, but a few individuals in particular must be named (and shamed) for their support and encouragement:

Michael Cargill – Mr Cargill helped me to set up and volunteered an enormous amount of information, including suggestions for writing. I recommend that everyone has a look at his writing for wild and crazy satirical pieces that will keep you entertained during the monotony of your day job. (If you’re lucky enough to have one.)

Stevo Music Man – Stevo has been reading since the very first days and has been so encouraging I can almost forgive him for supporting Leicester.

Gingerfightback – Mr GFB has offered plenty of comment and opinions which have been much appreciated. His popular site is a right good ‘un for anyone who is glad to find out that gingers are far from dead and buried in today’s society.

To everyone else (there are too many to mention), an equally big thanks.

I will still be around, checking the above blogs and more. It’s been a pleasure writing Kicking Sport and I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have.

Thanks and best wishes,

Chris

Football charges FA with bringing game into disrepute

Three lions: all bark, no bite

The entire sport of football has moved against the English FA following the recent conduct of the organisation in regards to a number of high-profile incidents.

The FA deemed it unnecessary to take action against Luis Suarez or Gareth Bale for their comical dives; Robert Huth for trampling on Suarez’s chest; Cheik Tiote for trampling over Tom Clerverley’s shin; Robin Van Persie for trying to assault Yohan Cabaye; and innumerable other indiscretions during the weekend’s Premier League fixtures.

They did however move swiftly to punish Ashley Cole for an abusive tweet, despite them taking most of a year to get round to banning John Terry for being racist.

A spokesperson for English football stated, “Given the video evidence, the decision to charge the FA was a simple one.

“Their inability to do anything with any degree of competence is questionable, their recent efforts comparable to George Osborne’s control of the nation’s economy – and we all know how bad that is.

“Tweet that, you #bunchoftw*ts!”

“You can do your own pit stops from now on,” McLaren told Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton’s indifferent form this season shows no sign of improving after his engineers at McLaren told him he could sort out his own pit stops since he announced he would be moving to Mercedes next season.

Hamilton finished fifth behind team-mate Jenson Button in today’s Japanese Grand Prix, and things will only get harder for him until the end of this season.

Martin Whitmarsh explained, “With everything we’ve done for him over the years he’s lucky we don’t put him on the track on a pushbike.”

FA and Chelsea follow UEFA guidelines by punishing everything more harshly than racism

The news that Ashley Cole can expect hefty punishment for abusing the FA on Twitter comes as no surprise to those who are familiar with the actions of the the footballing authorities towards incidents of racism.

Chelsea’s John Terry has still not even started his ban for racially abusing Anton Ferdinand – despite the incident now occurring (incredibly) the best part of a year ago.

On the bench

Right now the FA and Chelsea seem far more concerned with making an example of Ashley Cole for pointing out (probably correctly) that the FA are a #bunchoftw*ts.

Terry is still waiting to serve a four-match ban (if anyone ever gets round to enforcing it). Luis Suarez was banned for eight matches despite technically not being found guilty of racism specifically due to cultural issues; whilst Joey Barton was handed a 12-match ban last season for fouling Manchester City players.

These actions (or lack of) are at least consistent with the stance UEFA took on racism at Euro 2012, where Nicklas Bendtner was fined more individually for publicising an unlicensed brand than nations found guilty of racist chanting amongst supporters.

Despite the FA’s pledge to play a leading role in the “Kick Racism out of Football” campaign, it is becoming abundantly clear that imaging and financial issues take top priority by some distance.

As for Chelsea, in response to Ashley Cole’s recent tweet, they sent out a strong message, “This club has a specific policy for publicity matters and a disciplinary procedure.”

It is a shame that they do not have a similar one for racism.

QPR and Reading less likely to survive than Abu Hamza

QPR and Reading’s Premier League prospects look about as healthy as Abu Hamza’s chances of one day owning an American oil giant following today’s football results.

Mark Hughes’ men took a pummelling again, this time away at West Brom, whilst Reading let a two-goal lead slip at Swansea.

One dispirited QPR supporter admitted, “The way our defence is leaking goals I’m surprised Mr Hamza didn’t take a final shot at avoiding extradition by offering himself on a free transfer as a goalkeeper for us.

“At this rate we would’ve been happy to welcome him.

“Even with that hook instead of one hand.”