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Football charges FA with bringing game into disrepute

October 9, 2012 1 comment

Three lions: all bark, no bite

The entire sport of football has moved against the English FA following the recent conduct of the organisation in regards to a number of high-profile incidents.

The FA deemed it unnecessary to take action against Luis Suarez or Gareth Bale for their comical dives; Robert Huth for trampling on Suarez’s chest; Cheik Tiote for trampling over Tom Clerverley’s shin; Robin Van Persie for trying to assault Yohan Cabaye; and innumerable other indiscretions during the weekend’s Premier League fixtures.

They did however move swiftly to punish Ashley Cole for an abusive tweet, despite them taking most of a year to get round to banning John Terry for being racist.

A spokesperson for English football stated, “Given the video evidence, the decision to charge the FA was a simple one.

“Their inability to do anything with any degree of competence is questionable, their recent efforts comparable to George Osborne’s control of the nation’s economy – and we all know how bad that is.

“Tweet that, you #bunchoftw*ts!”

FA and Chelsea follow UEFA guidelines by punishing everything more harshly than racism

October 7, 2012 8 comments

The news that Ashley Cole can expect hefty punishment for abusing the FA on Twitter comes as no surprise to those who are familiar with the actions of the the footballing authorities towards incidents of racism.

Chelsea’s John Terry has still not even started his ban for racially abusing Anton Ferdinand – despite the incident now occurring (incredibly) the best part of a year ago.

On the bench

Right now the FA and Chelsea seem far more concerned with making an example of Ashley Cole for pointing out (probably correctly) that the FA are a #bunchoftw*ts.

Terry is still waiting to serve a four-match ban (if anyone ever gets round to enforcing it). Luis Suarez was banned for eight matches despite technically not being found guilty of racism specifically due to cultural issues; whilst Joey Barton was handed a 12-match ban last season for fouling Manchester City players.

These actions (or lack of) are at least consistent with the stance UEFA took on racism at Euro 2012, where Nicklas Bendtner was fined more individually for publicising an unlicensed brand than nations found guilty of racist chanting amongst supporters.

Despite the FA’s pledge to play a leading role in the “Kick Racism out of Football” campaign, it is becoming abundantly clear that imaging and financial issues take top priority by some distance.

As for Chelsea, in response to Ashley Cole’s recent tweet, they sent out a strong message, “This club has a specific policy for publicity matters and a disciplinary procedure.”

It is a shame that they do not have a similar one for racism.

QPR and Reading less likely to survive than Abu Hamza

October 6, 2012 46 comments

QPR and Reading’s Premier League prospects look about as healthy as Abu Hamza’s chances of one day owning an American oil giant following today’s football results.

Mark Hughes’ men took a pummelling again, this time away at West Brom, whilst Reading let a two-goal lead slip at Swansea.

One dispirited QPR supporter admitted, “The way our defence is leaking goals I’m surprised Mr Hamza didn’t take a final shot at avoiding extradition by offering himself on a free transfer as a goalkeeper for us.

“At this rate we would’ve been happy to welcome him.

“Even with that hook instead of one hand.”

Next England fixture could be most awkward yet

October 5, 2012 2 comments

Next Friday’s match in England’s 2014 World Cup qualifying campaign could be their most awkward yet as the bad blood continues to boil between players, staff and the FA alike.

Stories have continued to emerge involving manager Roy Hodgson discussing Rio Ferdinand on the tube, John Terry being found guilty of racist abuse by the FA, and Ashley Cole consequently abusing the FA on Twitter for going against his evidence in the original court case.

It is now getting to the stage where few in the squad will be willing to talk to each other in the dressing room or on the pitch.

But that is unlikely to make much difference to the level of performance.

Martinez fined for stating bleeding obvious

October 3, 2012 7 comments

The FA have added Roberto Martinez to their long list of managers who have been fined for voicing what everyone is thinking after he suggested Wigan were treated harshly at Old Trafford in September.

Referee Michael Oliver ensured United won 4-0 with a series of dodgy calls.

The FA expained, “Roberto’s comments were outrageous – that he said them.

“He failed to toe the Fergie line and could learn a lot from the likes of Tony Pulis.

“We’ll keep punishing him until he does.”

Desperate United seeking Fergie Time within Fergie Time

September 30, 2012 Leave a comment

People may have been mistaken for thinking the 2012 Armageddon had actually arrived when Spurs won at Old Trafford last night, but the result was more to do with the home team’s apocalyptic midfield.

That did not stop Sir Alex Ferguson going on one of his legendary deluded rants about not having enough injury time, despite everyone else thinking the customary four minutes of Fergie Time given by the officials was ample.

Ferguson complained, “It’s the inconsistency from referees which makes the players lose faith in them.

“Last week at Anfield, every decision went for us, but tonight not quite everything did.

“How are we supposed to win matches with such unreliable officiating?”

The whining came after United’s star man last weekend – referee Mark Halsey – had tried his utmost to stop Manchester City winning at Fulham, including giving the hosts a penalty for no reason whatsoever.

John Terry can’t tell if he’s getting abused more than usual

September 29, 2012 1 comment

Early reports from the Emirates indicate that Chelsea’s John Terry is unaffected by the abuse reigning down from the stands as it was impossible for the level of contempt most people hold for him to increase.

As usual, Arsenal supporters have paid around £60 per ticket to attend the match, mainly for the privilege of booing Terry and Ashley Cole.

An exchange with manager Roberto Di Matteo on the touchline confirmed Terry was all right to play on.

Di Matteo shouted, “John, you ok?”

To which Terry casually replied, “**** off you ******* Italian ****!”

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