Home > Football > Psychologists “ready” for Mourinho’s annual descent into paranoid schizophrenia

Psychologists “ready” for Mourinho’s annual descent into paranoid schizophrenia

"The Allianz is against us!"

Psychologists across Europe have confirmed they are prepared to analyse Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho’s behaviour as his team’s clash with Bayern Munich in the Champions League semi-final tonight marks the start of his annual public breakdown.

With a La Liga match against Barcelona lurking at the weekend, not to mention the possibility of the two clubs meeting in the Champions League final as well, there should be plenty of material for those watching with a keen interest in mental illness to gain a better understanding of how pressure affects a crackpot manager.

We spoke to Professor Phillip Hauptmeier, Professor of Sports Psychology in Berlin, who explained: “Mourinho’s meltdown last year was incredibly useful for me and my colleagues, but we’re hoping this year could prove even more fruitful for our studies.

“Last time he included international charities of being involved in the conspiracy against him, so who knows who he’s going to implicate this time! The WI perhaps? We just can’t be sure until he spouts it out.

“Earlier this season he branched out into physical attacks by poking someone in the eye. We’re going to be watching to see if he tries pulling anyone’s hair in the next month or so.

“But the best thing about having Mourinho in the spotlight at this time of year is that, no matter whether his side wins or loses, he’s still going to be ranting and raving that everyone’s against him anyway, so the rest of us can’t really lose either way.

“Unless you enjoy attractive football – then you’re in trouble.”

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