Home > Football, Guest Columns, Special Reports > Kenny Dalglish on better ways to squander £100 million

Kenny Dalglish on better ways to squander £100 million

Grumble…grumble…grumble…

Well? What do you think?

Grumble…grumble…grumble…

George Best had the right idea when he said, “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”

I guess I would say something like:

 

I spent a lot of money on Andy Carroll, Jordan Henderson and Stewart Downing. Then the owners confiscated the chequebook.

 

In hindsight I could have wasted £10 million bringing back Djibril Cisse. He’s already scored three goals and been sent off twice in five matches, offering both a finishing touch and violent entertainment – which is what we all want to see really, isn’t it? Why else would I have bought Charlie Adam?

Actually, let’s not think about him. There’s another £8.5 million gone by the way.

"Did you keep the receipt, Kenny?"

I’ve heard “staycations” are very popular these days. I’m not really “down with the kids” so I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I think it’s got something to do with camping in your back garden instead of getting wasted in Ibiza for your holiday.

For £100 million, you could buy a pretty great camping experience. Would be more fun than an Anfield season ticket as well. You could get a big tent and enough marshmallows to toast to keep you fed until Liverpool next win the league.

That’s a lot of marshmallows.

To think in more charitable terms, a donation of £100 million would have tripled the money generated by Sport Relief this weekend. Ironically, I’m the one now in need of charity – as are most of my signings.

If you have political aspirations, £100 million would buy you an awful lot of access to David Cameron and George Osborne. According to Peter Cruddas £200K expenditure is “Premier League” which sounds like a bargain as Roberto Mancini isn’t going to get anywhere near after spending more than £200 million.

I’m tempted to suggest that my money could have bought Fulham a result at Old Trafford tomorrow night, but I get the feeling that’s more fanciful than hoping my English boys will come good.

In all honesty I’m not too bothered. Whatever happens to this club under my reign, the Liverpool supporters will blame the FA, the media or the weather anyway.

Kenny Dalglish is anticipating retirement notice as Senior Accessories Buyer for Liverpool Football Club.

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  1. jumpingpolarbear
    March 25, 2012 at 13:12

    They need to get some superstars this summer. Or they are not going to get in the top 4 next season either.

    • March 26, 2012 at 14:39

      Aye will be intriguing to see who they bring in and who’s in charge to bring them in!

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