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Haye – Chisora unredacted brawl transcript

February 19, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

Kicking Sport – the Wikileaks of the sporting world – is once again ready to lay a cable of monumentally controversial proportions as the unredacted transcript of the David Haye – Dereck Chisora brawl is published for the first time.


WARNING: the content below may insult your intelligence.


Boente: British boxers are about as aggressive and intimidating as Arsenal after Christmas. We’re done with them. We’re looking to fight others who are going to provide a better spectacle. I heard Silvio Berlusconi’s got some time on his hands?

Haye (from open bar): My manager told me I accepted in December.

Chisora: Toe. Toe.

Haye: What?

Don Charles: Dereck’s trying to rile you with a quip about your toe.

Haye: Vitali said he could knock me out. Do you think you can really compete with me at trash-talk?

Boente: Chisora showed heart. Also he’s a bit slow so we were able to take a bigger chunk of the revenue, so we much prefer him as an opponent to David Haye.

Chisora: Sky won’t do Box Office because of Haye. He ruined possibilities for young British boxers to earn millions for getting out-boxed and knocked out by foreigners across the world.

Don Charles: There’ll be no more Ricky Hattons, that’s for sure.

Chisora: Toe! Toe! Toe!

Haye: Your wife saw my toe last night.

Don Charles: This is embarrassing, even for boxing. Can someone get him out of here?

Haye: I’m not leaving until someone agrees to fight me so I can get a few more millions.

Chisora: I fight you now.

Chisora comes down towards Haye and the pair embark on a drinking game where you get to throw your empty bottles at each other once you’ve drained them.

Booth (his head bleeding): Who glassed me?

Chisora: I was aiming for David but I’d had a few. He probably hit you by mistake as he hasn’t practised punching anyone recently.

Haye: Yeah but I’m better-looking than you and that’s what makes me more marketable.

Chisora: I’m not having it. I am going to shoot you, David. I am going to physically shoot you and physically burn you.

Don Charles: Dereck, of course you’re going to physically shoot him, you don’t need to say “physically”. How else could you do it?

Chisora: I don’t know, but I want him.

Haye: What do you mean by “want me”?

Chisora: In the car park in five minutes. I drank you under the table just now.

Booth: We’re going to appeal about the point-scoring on that one.

Haye: It wasn’t a fair drinking game – I’ve got a broken fingernail which impeded my swing!

Klitschko: Who pulled my shorts down this time?

BBC’s Ben Dirs: You could cut the sexual tension in this room with Chisora’s IQ!

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