Home > Football, Special Reports > Mr Suarez’s month off

Mr Suarez’s month off

February 5, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

With his return to Liverpool’s offensive line imminent, Luis Suarez has given us his diary to show us what he’s been up to since he was thoughtfully granted an eight-match rest by the FA:


January 3

I get special holiday because I South American. Stupid Britannicos.

January 11

I meet old lady by supermercado. She hits me with stick for walking. I don’t know why. I only call her “coffin dodger” twice. I say it in friendly way.

"Fully rested"

January 17

I want to go to R ‘n’ B night at disco but friends say NO! Don’t understand why they angry.

January 21

I go to karaoke with Uncle Kenny. We lose whole night singing “Why does rain on me” by Travis.

January 28

I see funny news about Ahrry Rednap. He in trouble. He can say I don’t know what tax means in this culture. I tell him my advices in match at Liverpool.

February 1

When I come back to training the people say something like, “Don’t ever open your ******* mouth again you ******* ****”. I think them nice and friendly.


You can follow Mr Suarez’s risky adventures on the television from now on, starting with a potentially bad-tempered visit from a group of feisty north Londoners on Monday night.

  1. February 5, 2012 at 21:46

    Me likes!

    • February 5, 2012 at 22:05

      Cheers fella. Good night to you! Here’s to another week full of ridiculous stories to satirise.

  2. February 13, 2012 at 04:34

    Me likes also.

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