Home > Football > UK scientists forced to concede universe must centre around David Beckham

UK scientists forced to concede universe must centre around David Beckham

December 30, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Scientists across the UK are having to reconsider their most fundamental assumptions following alarming amounts of media gravitation towards David Beckham.

Many writing sport columns dived headfirst into sycophantic tributes after Beckham won something in the US, where football attracts so little attention that another more popular sport has been called football instead.

Big bang

This is in addition to endless speculation and coverage over which club the Englishman is about to join, despite this expected to have no impact on anything whatsoever – apart from the destination side’s shirt sales.

Dr. Harpal Singh in his laboratory at Dundee University explained, “Our forensic monitoring of a number of variables in the last few days has given us substantial proof that, not only does the universe have a centre, but that it’s David Beckham.

“Readings taken in press conferences and across various social networks also support the hypothesis that the slightest fluctuation in Beckham’s ego causes gargantuan ripples across the entire UK sport journalism industry.

“This means that we must conclude that either Beckham is indeed the heart of everything, or that a large number of sport journalists don’t have a clue.

“What do you think?”

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  1. December 30, 2011 at 19:27

    The D-Beck is my hero.

    *swoon*

  2. Daniel Brenton O'Donnell
    December 30, 2011 at 20:51

    I don’t like your sarcasm, at least that’s what I think it is. Anyway, David Beckham is obviously the centre of the universe with his ‘mohawk’ hair style a little while back I think it was easy to see all those neutrons and other sciency particles spewing from his core causing such a splendid and perfect, symmetrical design in both his styling and bendy kicky things.

  3. December 31, 2011 at 14:00

    You hit the nail on the head. Most sportwriters are clueless. Beckham is over the hill. My grandmother could play in the MLS- She’s been dead since 1976.

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