Home > Football > Beckham conquers US in final Galaxy match

Beckham conquers US in final Galaxy match

November 21, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

British sources are celebrating what they are reporting as David Beckham’s victory over the entire United States of America following LA Galaxy’s MLS Cup win on Sunday.

Beckham no doubt was solely responsible for all the good fortune that has happened to his side and indeed the whole nation in the five years he has been there, apparently setting up every goal scored by any team in the league this season alone.

His indefatigable conquest was aided by his wife, whose exquisite taste in both fashion and music endeared the family to the ‘everyday American’.

President Obama said, “People of America, from the bottom of my heart I’d like to thank David for what he’s done for our country.

“During his reign I became the first black President in our history and I know that David is the only person that could have made it possible.

“I say this because listening to the English in particular makes me think he assists everything else that has ever happened so I guess it must be the same for the general election that I won.”

As well as being the only feasible reason for any increase in revenue within the last few years for the MLS, the British press also claim that Beckham has been the only player to touch the ball for the Galaxy in that period, with others such as Robbie Keane and Landon Donovan redefining themselves as “even more useless than European socialists”.

Any who suggested Donovan scored the winning goal in the final were swiftly excommunicated.

Finally, he played the entire game despite suffering from a clearly-dehabilitating injury similar to a broken leg, and this is thought to be excellent preparation for the Olympics next year when he is guaranteed to be selected for Team GB although there will be absolutely no point whatsoever him being there.

He is expected to move to Paris St-Germain in the near future as even the Americans have run out of ideas about how to make money out of him, but doubtless he will overtake other iconic figures like Abraham Lincoln and be remembered by the public as the most important and influential man ever to grace their land in its illustrious history.

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  1. November 21, 2011 at 19:46

    I heard he was the one that tipped off the government on where Bin Laden was. There are also rumors over here that he kicked a soccer ball into Osama’s face which is what ultimately killed him.

  2. November 21, 2011 at 20:00

    That’s practically folklore here in the UK!

  3. November 21, 2011 at 21:01

    Don’t mock, David Beckham IS your next President don’t you know.

  4. November 22, 2011 at 13:22

    Beckham was responsible for changing New Coke back to the normal one (or whichever way round it happened).

  1. December 30, 2011 at 18:15

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