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Police to dock Newcastle points for overwork

October 31, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Northumbria Police have reacted angrily to having to charge Newcastle’s Nile Ranger, claiming that the club is piling pressure onto its strained resources through their lawless playing staff.

They are looking to enjoy retribution by deducting the Magpies points, although this could result in the undesirable consequence of Alan Pardew getting rashly sacked for no fault of his own.

“First there was Titus Bramble. We know he’s at Sunderland now but that’s in the same area and we like to give Newcastle credit for him still,” explained exasperated PC Phil Clarke.

“Then Joey Barton. The less said about him the better.

“Until recently we were having to cope with the whole place being constantly terrorised by Andy Carrol.

“And now Ranger! If only the Toon could maintain this kind of consistency on the pitch.

“However we’re not looking to suspend Ranger immediately because Newcastle are visiting Stoke tonight and they’re going to need all the help they can get.”

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