Home > London 2012, Special Reports > Halloween promises substantial shooting practice for countless young 2012 hopefuls

Halloween promises substantial shooting practice for countless young 2012 hopefuls

October 31, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

With Halloween upon us, youngsters up and down the UK are preparing their air rifles and BB guns in anticipation of a night’s worth of shooting practice, using your windows as the main targets.

In a manner truly befitting the ancient celebration, horror is soon to descend upon residential areas across the land as hordes of youths go out demanding ‘treats’, with a costly ‘trick’ for anyone who does not give them whatever they want on their rampages.

Secretary of State for sport Jeremy Hunt MP cautiously announced, “The government wholeheartedly condemns this behaviour, but as the hoodies aren’t going to a listen to a word we say we might as well use CCTV footage to pick out the best talent for Team GB.

“This is a new ‘carrot and stick’ initiative which sees those found guilty of excessive Halloween vandalism punished with an ASBO as well as encouraged to explore their abilities with assorted, legal firearms in the productive way of representing our nation next year.

The summer riots provided such an array of talent that the selectors were overwhelmed, so we’re hoping that the violence triggered by Halloween will be more widespread and therefore less concentrated, allowing us more opportunities to identify the very best from the hoodlum underworld.

“We’ll also be considering those who generate the most power whilst chucking stones into their local corner shops for the shot-put.”

  1. October 31, 2011 at 17:36

    Purty good!

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