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FA to release revised weekend fixture list

October 21, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

The FA is set to announce that all other Premier League fixtures are to be called off this weekend in light of the Manchester derby being the only one that actually matters.

With both Manchester clubs at the top of the table and making light work of the rest, some have suggested that the remaining matches could simply be cancelled, especially as many in the north west are in danger of paying to watch Bolton against Sunderland.

An FA spokesperson explained, “We looked at the prospect Wolves versus Swansea – at Saturday lunchtime as well – and we couldn’t help wondering, ‘Is it worth it?’.

“People in London and Birmingham have the unenviable challenges of avoiding watching Joey Barton and Emile Heskey take to the pitch respectively.

“It seems that the majority of the fixtures have the potential of doing more harm than good to the fans and the general public, so we’d be prioritising the national interest with such a decision.”

The news has surprised many supporters around the country, although Arsenal fans were largely relieved at being put out of their misery several months earlier than usual.

Matt Jenkins from Highbury said, “I’d normally have to wait till March to watch my hopes and dreams crumble before my eyes.

“And I’d have to keep paying about £60 per game up to that point too.”

A Fulham season ticket holder revealed, “Things have been tedious at the Cottage for a while now, and I’ve been worried that Everton on Sunday might have pushed me over the edge.

“I’d like to thank the FA for doing something right for once.”

The Monday Supplement

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